AIRLINES OF THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY
- Uncredited, but frequently found on the Internet
DOS AIR
All the passengers go out onto the runway,
grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when
it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the
air, hop on, etc.
WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES
The terminal is very neat and clean, the
attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is
immense. After your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to wonder why it has
not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds,
and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS
The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots
all look the same feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about
the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and
would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS
The terminal is almost empty, with only a
few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around,
apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time
to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each
passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer
it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little
longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT
All the passengers carry their seats out
onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit
down, flap their arms, and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
WINGS of OS/400
The airline has bought ancient DC-3s,
arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew and painted "747"
on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of
course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid
questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a
first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS AIRLINES
The passengers all gather in the hangar,
watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense,
luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000
passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement
of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns
the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the
hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS
Each passenger brings a piece of the
airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing
constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it
together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all
the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All
passengers believe they got there.